Kind of forgot about this blog!

i religiously follow blogger natalie of nat the fat rat, now hey natalie jean. yesterday she posted this unbelievable little movie short of a day in the life of her and her ridiculously cute and happy son. it moved me so much that i sobbed for a good 10 minutes. watching the utter joy of her being a mom and her picture perfect little toddler just sent my head and emotions in a weird tailspin. i don't feel as free to elaborate on this right now, but here i am two years later. older child is now almost 4 and a half and younger child is 2 years and 3 months old. i've definitely changed after having a couple more years experience as a mom. i think it really took having the second to be fully resigned to motherhood. also, the inexplicable love i feel with the second child has made motherhood more enjoyable.

i'm not sure i will continue writing here, but now that i've rediscovered this little outlet, we'll see if i come back...

kind of a revelation

before i had kids of my own, i'd look at people with kids and think lots of nasty thoughts about them. i thought they were stupid losers... and other things like that. as i'm in the thick of the terrible twos, i kind of have a new respect for parents. on a particularly rough day with our two year old, i see in the mall, a couple with twin 3 year old girls and twin 1 year olds. and they still looked sane. i wish i could have asked them how they're managing. then something clicked within me. anyone who has kids has some kind of unspoken mutual understanding with one another. i guess that would be true with any kind of experience.. but i can't really explain it. it's like you see someone with a kid the same age as yours and you just know that they are going through the same shit you are. the question is why we chose to get ourselves into the shit. i haven't figured out the answer to that one yet. i guess the answer comes when your kid can actually make you proud or something. all i can say for now is thank god for people who like doing childcare.

maybe i just need a therapist

it's kind of scary and pathetic that my absolute limit for spending time with my 2 year old hovers around an hour and a half before i'm clawing at the door to get out of the house. not only is playing with her really boring to me, she gets punchy and starts acting up and i don't know what to do our how to handle it. with zero tolerance, i literally snap and the slightest thing. i have to start reminding myself to just try and lock myself in the bathroom or something when i start to feel my blood pressure rise.

a lot of this lack of patience and coping skills comes from not having much experience with kids. i never grew up with younger kids around nor did i ever babysit. even though i know about "normal two year old behavior" from what i've read in books or online, i don't know how to handle it. i've decided to look up a parent coach and have contacted them for some help. everything else in life comes with training or instructions or education.. why should parenting be any different? why must we blindly feel our way through the shit?

i'm bored.

my mom used to tell me that only stupid people said that they were bored. i'm no gomer pyle, but i am at a loss as to what to do with my free time. i kind of have this unrealistic fantasy that my shopping blog will take off and be wildly successful like pioneer woman's except that unlike pioneer woman, i don't really write about anything interesting or do i have much of a sense of humor. i'm just a bored housewife with 2 kids and free reign on my platinum amex.

i'm kind of having a minor life crisis. i want to be productive and do something, but i don't want to get a job. some things i could possibly do: come up with a cute product to make and sell on etsy. i could get involved in my daughter's school. i could get real serious with the blogging thing. i don't know... right now, i'm just sitting here, eating more than one serving's worth of ben and jerry's mint chocolate chunk ice cream. oh, i could probably join a gym and go work out or something. but i hate exercise. hm... need to brainstorm.

terrible twos

if i have to endure one more power struggle over clothes again, i might poke my eyes out. baby#1 is really torturing me with her picky-ness over what goes on her body. here i am buying all these super cute/stylish AND expensive outfits and she'd rather scratch the skin off her body than have me put these clothes on her. i've googled this problem and although it seems like a very common problem, i am beside myself over what to do. literally her whole day is ruined if i force her to wear what i want her to wear and as my prize i get to hear the lovely whining about "i don't want this dress" or "i don't want this shirt" hour after hour until she "accidentally" spills something on it meaning she gets to change out of it.
ugh. when will this phase pass?

first day of school

baby #1 is now almost 2 1/2 years old. she just started her first day of school today. she goes 3 days a week in the afternoons. we signed her up for summer camp at this school so that she'd already be acclimated by the time school started. she put up a tiny bit of a fuss when i dropped her off today, but i think that's because all along during summer camp, we told her no mommies and daddies allowed in the classroom, but then on monday when we went in to meet the teacher, we went into the classroom with her. she got confused about that... can't blame her.

meanwhile, baby #2 is 3 months old today. i only wished i felt the same way with #1 at this stage in the game. i remember being pretty miserable with a 3 month old and it only got worse. with #2, every little thing she does, i'm gaga over it. i can even see myself maybe having another one while husband can't fathom it right now. the biggest difference, i think, is the help. i feel pretty free to do whatever since we have someone to help out and i never really feel bogged down or trapped. i think that was my main problem with #1. there was no way out. i don't know why i waited so long to get help with #1. well, part of the problem is that #1 never took the bottle. how can you leave a baby who doesn't drink from a bottle? anyway... baby #2 will drink from anything. she's also much much bigger than baby #1 was at the same age. we just had #2 baptized this past weekend and i almost had to buy another christening dress because #1's barely fit #2.

anyway, just wanted put something out there. i also posted two new entries on my other blog. been buying a lot of stuff lately....

new blog

I'm still shocked at how many hits this blog gets considering I don't even post here anymore. If you still want to see what I buy, check out my shopping blog... http://majorshopper.blogspot.com/
It's still new, but I'm trying to stay on top of everything I buy. It's definitely harder to do than I thought, but at least I can kind of keep tabs on myself that way...