just breathe...

after a really rough night of baby flip-flopping all over the bed and crying for an hour and a half from 3-5am, i was in a super cranky mood today. literally, the smallest thing set me off. just when i was feeling so desperate for a little relief, a weird thought came to my head. i have an 'allergy' to alcohol and get severely ill anytime i consume it. my thought was that God made me this way because otherwise, motherhood would turn me into an alcoholic. seriously, if it not were for the damn intolerance, i could totally see myself swigging a shot of something just to take the edge off. i used to smoke cigarettes to help with stress. the buzz is just right and is very relaxing. sadly, i don't smoke anymore and probably never will again. my sinuses just can't handle it. just before i quit, i got severely ill and it took 3 weeks for me to recover. i was absolutely miserable and if it not were for the stupid cigarettes, my sinuses wouldn't have gotten so infected. after that incident, i haven't really smoked again. just the thought of them kind of make me gag.

anyway, i haven't had a bad day like this in a while. maybe it's a little bit of withdrawal from my mom being here. i had it so good when she was here. i just need to hang in there for a few more days. my sister in law is coming up sometime next week and we're all heading to the beach next friday.

deep doo-doo

over the past two weeks, i've gotten into a whole mess of trouble. with all the shopping i've been doing online and at my favorite stores in town, i've really gone overboard.

it's no secret that i'm a serious control freak. that was my biggest downfall with my business. i couldn't let go of a ton of responsibilities that i should have, and as a result, i was an unhappy prisoner of my dream come true. anyway, after a week of my mom visiting, she said on the day she left that i shouldn't have any more kids. she said she felt sorry for baby because i'm more worried about her wardrobe than her wellbeing. surely, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but i do get a big thrill over finding cute clothes for her. i'm starting to make some connections about my frequent bad mood and my shopping habits. i think because i feel so out of control over baby's behavior, sleep habits and everything else that comes along with dealing with a toddler, i get the satisfaction of feeling in control over what she wears. i can't make baby eat if she doesn't feel like eating. i can't make her sleep if she's not tired. there's a million and one things i can't make her do, but i can make her wear a super cute outfit. i think this whole control thing dawned on me while watching an episode of hoarders. i'm definitely at risk for becoming one of those lunatics!! husband says my design sense is: find an empty corner in the house and fill it with shopping bags full of stuff. as i look around our apartment, he's right. i think of all the corners in the whole place, there's not a single corner that doesn't have something piled up into it.

anyway, to recap my latest purchases over the past couple weeks or so:

from lester harry's by lili gaufrette $75:

this i bought as a gift for a friend who posted it on their facebook page:

from lester harrys by anais & i $75:

also from lester harrys by bonpoint:

not exactly what i bought-this was the closest picture i could find

shirt $120, cashmere sweater $185

then from mulberry road, items 40%off purchased for next spring:

by egg by susan lazar:

then for me:

from lilly pulitzer $265

from calypso this shirt in navy $75:

motivation = zero

i haven't posted in a while. to recap the last couple weeks, we went to the museum of science, my good friend came to visit for a long weekend, we got luxurious spa treatments, my mom came for a visit, we went to the children's museum. pretty unexciting stuff. i'm even boring myself typing this entry. i promise i'll come up with something interesting soon...