just breathe...

after a really rough night of baby flip-flopping all over the bed and crying for an hour and a half from 3-5am, i was in a super cranky mood today. literally, the smallest thing set me off. just when i was feeling so desperate for a little relief, a weird thought came to my head. i have an 'allergy' to alcohol and get severely ill anytime i consume it. my thought was that God made me this way because otherwise, motherhood would turn me into an alcoholic. seriously, if it not were for the damn intolerance, i could totally see myself swigging a shot of something just to take the edge off. i used to smoke cigarettes to help with stress. the buzz is just right and is very relaxing. sadly, i don't smoke anymore and probably never will again. my sinuses just can't handle it. just before i quit, i got severely ill and it took 3 weeks for me to recover. i was absolutely miserable and if it not were for the stupid cigarettes, my sinuses wouldn't have gotten so infected. after that incident, i haven't really smoked again. just the thought of them kind of make me gag.

anyway, i haven't had a bad day like this in a while. maybe it's a little bit of withdrawal from my mom being here. i had it so good when she was here. i just need to hang in there for a few more days. my sister in law is coming up sometime next week and we're all heading to the beach next friday.