oy

baby decided it was a 5am wake up kind of day. i hate those kind of days. i'm trying to start weaning her off the boob and usually i can nurse her back down when she wakes up too early, but this morning, i wasn't in the mood to nurse anymore. i physically just couldn't stand that sensation one minute longer, so she protested and decided that it was time to wake up. i haven't felt this utterly miserable in a long time. luckily, i was able to take a nap in the afternoon when she finally went to sleep, however earlier in the day i walked around feeling mad at the world and toying with the idea of consuming a bottle of pills and washing it down with some kind of alcohol.

this got me thinking... is my life better now that i'm a stay at home mom or was it better when i was a store owner? for four years, i owned and operated a cute gift store that specialized in monogramming. the day it opened, it was truly a dream come true. i had never worked in retail before opening the store, so i found that customer service was quite a learning curve. after about a month, i was still happy. i would cheerfully greet every customer that walked in the door and cater to their idiosyncrasies. that lasted about 2 more months. after that, i was questioning myself as to what the heck i have done and will i be able to survive! other retailers say that my nightmarish experience with the business was due to the location i was in. it was in a real snooty suburb with the most entitled people you could ever imagine. i'd come home with some crazy story almost every night. i've blocked most of the memories out, but one that i'll never forget was when this mother came in with her 3 year old daughter. the girl was just recently potty trained and needed to go to the bathroom. she begged and pleaded with her mom..."mom... i really really got to go!!!.. please mom!!!" and the mom just kept saying "in a minute... just need a couple more minutes"... the mom was really into shopping and couldn't give a rats ass about her daughter. then the daughter gave up and stood in the middle of the floor and just peed. when the mom realized what happened, you'd think she'd be embarrassed. but no, she said to my employee, "do you have a rag?" my employee found a roll of papertowels and the lady said, "great"... and continued to shop. she didn't even offer to lay some papertowels on the floor and step on it to soak the urine up. apparently it was my employee's responsibility to clean up her daughter's pee. i was beyond disturbed.

anyway, just thinking about the store gives me high blood pressure. there were some good times and the customers really loved the store, but i don't think i could ever do anything customer service oriented ever again. i've learned that people are crazy and i don't have the patience for them.

going back a little further, before i opened the store, i worked in finance. when i had rough days at the store, it got me thinking... is my life better being my own boss or was it better when i was just some desk jockey? sadly, i think the answer to that is that i will always be a malcontent.

one for you, two for me

went to the mall today to pick up a couple birthday gifts. one is for my niece, who turned 4 last week. and the other is for my sister in law who turned 40 recently. we're going to be celebrating both birthdays over july 4th weekend. for the sis in law, it was between an ipad or a louis vuitton purse. we've pretty much settled on the ipad which we'll pick up tomorrow.

unfortunately, i got a little caught up on seeing stuff for myself. at burberry, i got baby a couple outfits ($84 and $69) and also fell in love with a raincoat ($409).

then, at jacadi, they were having a 50% off sale. i got this top ($22) and this dress ($42):

baby also needed shoes. real shoes and not those robeez prewalkers. we went to stride rite and picked these up:

($39) ($40)

it doesn't stop there. we went to neiman marcus to buy the nieces gift and also found a super cute dress for baby. i couldn't find a pic of it online, but it's by halabaloo.

that's about it. we bought a lot today. at least husband was involved in the purchasing, so it didn't seem so bad.

better luck tomorrow

so, i'm sure everyone is dying to know how today went. well, it didn't. the babysitter called around 11:30 am to say that she had somewhat of an emergency and had to bring her friend to the hospital. i guess the friend had some kind of an accident and got a concussion. well, that's the story. i'm sure what really transpired was... "hey, let's go to the beach today!" "oh, i can't, i have a new job to go to..." "just tell them a friend needed you to take them to the hospital, they'll understand" "ok.. cool... will do!"

oh, right before that, husband and i got in a little tiff because baby was fussing and husband made a comment like, i can't wait to get a babysitter in here so someone will play with baby finally. i took great offense to that comment because i feel like i give baby plenty of attention. it's not easy nor fun trying to entertain a toddler every second of the day. and one shouldn't have to either. kids need to learn how to entertain themselves. anyway, i just kind of let that one simmer and it's still simmering. it was so hot out today that going out to the park was not really an option. i decided to go to the mall to kill some time. i've always despised those people who bring their kids to the children's section of the book store to let them "look" at books and let them play. before baby was born and i went there to buy some books and a lot of them were so beat up that even if they were 50% off i wouldn't buy them. but today, i became one of those people. i now understand why they are there and i feel their pain. i wanted baby to burn off a little energy and get a little stimulation in the outside world and this was the only place i could think of to take her. and she had a blast. at least i bought a couple books and kind of paid for my time there.

giving it another try

tomorrow a new babysitter is starting. i remain dubious as to what will happen. at least i laid it all out to her - baby's clinginess, separation anxiety and the lack of experiencing anyone else really watch her. babysitter was not phased by my apprehensions. she said she's up for the challenge and is very patient. she also has experience with dealing with separation anxiety. she's got a ton of experience taking care of children, including two much younger siblings. she's worked at children's day camps, worked for several years with a single family taking care of their children. she loves children in general. (i don't understand people like that, but thank god they exist) i have every faith that she'll be fine. in fact, i'm looking forward to learning a thing or two from her. i'm really hoping she works out, because it gives husband and i hope that some day, we'll get a chance to go out by ourselves.

i'm finding that there are a lot of women in my situation. the situation being, never having any experience with kids at any age before having a baby. i never even changed a diaper before baby came along. in fact, i don't even *like* kids. i don't have a clue as to what i'm doing day to day... that explains why baby is still breastfeeding at 14 months and sleeping in our bed. it's no wonder why i think motherhood is so friggin hard. and this age is supposed to be easy. what am i going to do when the terrible twos come along... or during the know it all asshole teenage years. i guess that's why there are so many parenting books out there... for people like me, but who has time to read??? also, i'm not one that is good at following directions. ie sleep training... could have done it... tried to do it (the wrong way) and failed miserably. hence, the three of us are squished in our queen sized bed. husband has to sleep with his head the other direction so that we all fit. sometimes the dog likes to sleep with us too. four's a crowd in a queen sized bed. oy!

bleh

haven't posted in a while because i've been sick and the days have been creeping by uneventfully. the only blip on the radar this past week was husband's review of our expenses. what tipped him off was my unusually high credit card bill this month. because neither of us is really brining in any income, he had to take a look at how much longer we can live on the money we have with the rate of spending we are at. he finally got a good look at how much i've been spending and it wasn't pretty. he was like, what the heck are you buying?? and i said... i don't even know!!

well, i said, clothes and toys for baby... and groceries... and an occasional outfit for me here and there... and birthday presents for friends as needed. it adds up, i said!!

anyway, i vowed to try and cut back. my strategy is to only buy stuff 2 weeks out of every month. i think if i can just limit any purchases to the second and third week of the month, that theoretically should cut things down by at least a third. also, that forces me to wait to buy stuff if it's an off week hence, reducing a bulk of impulse purchasing.

will start this new tactic next month...

gosh darn sale

so, all the stuff i bought at petit bateau just went on sale today. everything has been marked down 20-40% off. the three items i got were all 30% off. some stores will do a price adjustment if you purchased something within a week of a sale, however, this store doesn't. oh well. i did go and buy more stuff though. a skirt, a shirt and a sweater for baby for next spring.

sadly, i have another cold. i've never been so sickly in my life. this is my third cold in the past 6 weeks. i went to the doctor a couple weeks ago because i thought i had the flu, but it was just a bad cold. i'm so tired of being sick. the worst part about it is lying in bed at night with a swollen and throbbing nasal passage. one of the outcomes of the doctor's visit was that i found out i had really low calcium levels. i've always had low calcium due to not having a thyroid and i am supposed to take supplements, however, until now, i haven't found a palatable way to get my daily dose. regular tablets are not only huge, they tend to cause a little nausea. then those viactiv soft chews came out, but they still tasted funky and hurt my teeth when i ate them. then those adora chocolates came out, but they also tasted gross and i'm not a huge chocolate fan. finally, i've discovered wellesse. it's a liquid supplement that comes in a citrus flavor. just two tablespoons a day does the trick. it's not exactly delicious, but taking it is totally a non event, so hopefully i can stick with it.

this past weekend, i was exposed to two little babies. i got to hold them and tried to recall what baby was like at that age (8 weeks old). i seriously could not remember what baby was like at that age. i do remember that i was tired and a bit overwhelmed with everything. i enjoyed holding the babies and thought they were cute, but there was not a single cell in my body that wanted to have another one. really, if my ovaries were to dry up and make it impossible for me to have another one, i wouldn't care. i know that i'm going to have another one at some point (because that's what husband wants), but maybe by then, my attitude might change. i know i'm just kidding myself, but i have to think that. i have to keep forging ahead. there's no going back now. i'm already a mom...my life is already over...what's having another one going to do?

flying would have been cheaper!

baby hates the car and cries as if her fingernails are being slowly ripped off with pliers. our strategy for the 6 hour drive down to philly was to leave around her nap time which is roughly 11am. this worked out perfectly - she fell asleep within 5 minutes of being in the car. unfortunately, we didn't even hit connecticut before she woke up. we stopped at our favorite exit somewhere in connecticut where there's a little shopping plaza with a mcd's and a borders. we had cheeseburgers and then tooled around the bookstore for about an hour. that was just enough time for baby to be willing to get back into the car seat. she was fine for a while, but once we got past ny and hit jersey, it was all downhill from there.

in order to avoid crying on the way home, we thought it would be a good idea to get on the road at baby's bed time. that way she would theoretically stay asleep and we'd be golden. nope! she fell asleep right away, but then she woke up only after 45 minutes of driving. the crying began immediately after and even worse, we hit jersey shore traffic. we were dead stopped for quite a while. oh boy. finally, the traffic cleared up and baby fell back asleep once we got to the george washington bridge. woo-hoo!! it was 10:30 pm and we were cruising along the henry hudson parkway. then, bam!!! shit! we hit a pothole! and normally, hitting a pothole wouldn't be such a big deal, but our car has those fancy low profile tires and once we felt the impact, we knew right away (from experience) something was wrong. we decided to pull over at the next exit just to take a look and see what was going on with the tire. sure enough, there was a big bubble on the side of the tire. last time this happened, we didn't notice the bubble right away, mainly because we didn't know that fancy tires and potholes were mortal enemies.

anyway, after pulling over on some random street, we see the bubble and call for roadside assistance. it's now 11pm and the guy shows up 15 minutes later and puts on the spare. once he gets the bad wheel off, we get a better picture of the damage. looks like we're going to need a new rim as well. our options are trying to get home on the spare, max speed 50mph. or, spend the night and get to the dealership first thing in the morning. we decided to spend the night. there were only two hotels in the area and the first one we went to had no vacancy. luckily, the second hotel we went to had space. by the time we got into the room, it was midnight. the room rate was $180 and we only spent 7 hours in it.

the next morning, we got up and hobbled over to the dealership and they got us all fixed up right away to the tune of $800. the whole rest of the ride home, we had our eyes peeled for anything that remotely looked like a pothole. i don't know why they put these tires on cars at all. it's like a woman wearing tiny stiletto heels...they look pretty, but they don't work on cobblestone! finally we got home around 12:30pm and although the trip home was a bit of an expensive adventure, we were glad to be home in one piece.

MORE stuff

baby needed an outfit for this weekend, so i went to petit bateau and picked these up:

pants $67

t shirt (in white) $21:

also got a grey henley style t shirt $36

it was the friends and family sale at lord and taylor. that means extra 25% off purchases. i bought these two pairs of sandals:

by 9 west $29:

by merrell $53

we'll be making the epic drive to philly tomorrow. one thing to look forward to is the lilly pulitzer warehouse sale. we went last fall and picked up some great stuff for baby that was half priced. saturday is the last day, so hopefully we can squeeze in a visit before the baptism.

trouble

so, after shopping yesterday, i got the bug and needed more. i went to anthropologie today and bought this:

jbrand capri jeans $176:

cardigan $78:

white tank $48:

another cardigan $118:

i was really happy to find some new clothes. i needed some every day kick around clothes and i can see myself wearing this a lot and it will also be great for fall.

there's a blog i follow, http://isaidyousaid.wordpress.com/ written by a husband/wife team with 3 kids. their youngest is a girl who is only a month younger than baby (13 months old). i just realized today that the wife is due with her 4th child any day now. that means she got pregnant again when baby #3 was only 4 months old. that just utterly blew my mind. i've had such a hard time with the adjustment to motherhood, i couldn't even come close to imagining what it would be like dealing with baby and being pregnant at the same time. i also can't fathom what it would be like to have to deal with baby's needs as well as doing the whole newborn song and dance again at the same time. ughghghg... gives me the chills just thinking about it... before i come down with a panic attack, i'm just going to stop thinking about it and change the subject. hm.... tuesday night... deadliest catch 9pm!

a weakness

my aunt is in town for a few days and i met up with her today to take her shopping. she already did some damage yesterday - a gucci purse and a divine pair of christian louboutin snakeskin flats. one place she didn't already check out was the shoe department at saks. because she took a long time to browse, i had to occupy myself and fell into a little bit of trouble. i ended up buying this raincoat (in black) on sale for $175:

and this dress by elie taharie on sale for $208:

the dress is going back to the store because although it fits like a dream, there is a weird bunchy area on the front where the lace panel is. i thought i would bring it home and see if i could mess with it to get it to lay flat, but it basically makes me look like i have a third boob in the center of my chest.

also, this weekend is the baptism of husband's nephew. i decided to just get something simple and useful for a gift. from petit bateau:

this romper $62

polo $25

and hooded towel $69

this was a great deal because with a purchase of $150, you get a free beach towel which retails for $74.

anyway, i don't think i did that bad because one i'm going to return the dress and the other purchase was a gift, so all i really got for myself was the raincoat...

i might take my aunt to bloomingdales tomorrow, so we'll see what i find there.

so far, so good...

it's only been 4 days of the 'diet'. no new purchases. not feeling any withdrawal symptoms yet either. i do have to buy a gift at some point for my nephew's baptism next saturday. will have to do some serious thinking as to what to get. he's a fourth child, so that family pretty much has everything that exists for children. also, the family is uber religious, so they already have at least a dozen crosses and that kind of paraphernalia. gonna be a toughie. i'm thinking an engraved silver cup. hopefully it'll be ready in time.

now that i'm not going to have new acquisitions to post about, this blog will probably get pretty dull. going to have to come up with more topics!

home

sadly, island shopping either just isn't what it used to be or i've become more picky about what i buy. the only additional purchases i made before we left were just for baby at lilly pulitzer:

polo shirt $34:

t shirt $20:

skirt $38:

i used to handle the household finances years ago but once i quit my job and stopped making money, husband kind of picked up the slack and i've grown out of touch with our budget. because we want to hire a babysitter to come a few times a week just to help out, we had to figure out how much help we can afford. i was a bit surprised to hear exactly how much we burn through on a monthly basis. definitely pause for thought.

so, i've decided to challenge myself to limit my monthly spending allowance to a certain amount. right now, i buy a lot of stuff, but nothing too outrageous. in the end, it all adds up and i could really cut back. i plan on starting today...june 1st. day one of a shopping diet!!