oy

baby decided it was a 5am wake up kind of day. i hate those kind of days. i'm trying to start weaning her off the boob and usually i can nurse her back down when she wakes up too early, but this morning, i wasn't in the mood to nurse anymore. i physically just couldn't stand that sensation one minute longer, so she protested and decided that it was time to wake up. i haven't felt this utterly miserable in a long time. luckily, i was able to take a nap in the afternoon when she finally went to sleep, however earlier in the day i walked around feeling mad at the world and toying with the idea of consuming a bottle of pills and washing it down with some kind of alcohol.

this got me thinking... is my life better now that i'm a stay at home mom or was it better when i was a store owner? for four years, i owned and operated a cute gift store that specialized in monogramming. the day it opened, it was truly a dream come true. i had never worked in retail before opening the store, so i found that customer service was quite a learning curve. after about a month, i was still happy. i would cheerfully greet every customer that walked in the door and cater to their idiosyncrasies. that lasted about 2 more months. after that, i was questioning myself as to what the heck i have done and will i be able to survive! other retailers say that my nightmarish experience with the business was due to the location i was in. it was in a real snooty suburb with the most entitled people you could ever imagine. i'd come home with some crazy story almost every night. i've blocked most of the memories out, but one that i'll never forget was when this mother came in with her 3 year old daughter. the girl was just recently potty trained and needed to go to the bathroom. she begged and pleaded with her mom..."mom... i really really got to go!!!.. please mom!!!" and the mom just kept saying "in a minute... just need a couple more minutes"... the mom was really into shopping and couldn't give a rats ass about her daughter. then the daughter gave up and stood in the middle of the floor and just peed. when the mom realized what happened, you'd think she'd be embarrassed. but no, she said to my employee, "do you have a rag?" my employee found a roll of papertowels and the lady said, "great"... and continued to shop. she didn't even offer to lay some papertowels on the floor and step on it to soak the urine up. apparently it was my employee's responsibility to clean up her daughter's pee. i was beyond disturbed.

anyway, just thinking about the store gives me high blood pressure. there were some good times and the customers really loved the store, but i don't think i could ever do anything customer service oriented ever again. i've learned that people are crazy and i don't have the patience for them.

going back a little further, before i opened the store, i worked in finance. when i had rough days at the store, it got me thinking... is my life better being my own boss or was it better when i was just some desk jockey? sadly, i think the answer to that is that i will always be a malcontent.