Kind of forgot about this blog!

i religiously follow blogger natalie of nat the fat rat, now hey natalie jean. yesterday she posted this unbelievable little movie short of a day in the life of her and her ridiculously cute and happy son. it moved me so much that i sobbed for a good 10 minutes. watching the utter joy of her being a mom and her picture perfect little toddler just sent my head and emotions in a weird tailspin. i don't feel as free to elaborate on this right now, but here i am two years later. older child is now almost 4 and a half and younger child is 2 years and 3 months old. i've definitely changed after having a couple more years experience as a mom. i think it really took having the second to be fully resigned to motherhood. also, the inexplicable love i feel with the second child has made motherhood more enjoyable.

i'm not sure i will continue writing here, but now that i've rediscovered this little outlet, we'll see if i come back...

kind of a revelation

before i had kids of my own, i'd look at people with kids and think lots of nasty thoughts about them. i thought they were stupid losers... and other things like that. as i'm in the thick of the terrible twos, i kind of have a new respect for parents. on a particularly rough day with our two year old, i see in the mall, a couple with twin 3 year old girls and twin 1 year olds. and they still looked sane. i wish i could have asked them how they're managing. then something clicked within me. anyone who has kids has some kind of unspoken mutual understanding with one another. i guess that would be true with any kind of experience.. but i can't really explain it. it's like you see someone with a kid the same age as yours and you just know that they are going through the same shit you are. the question is why we chose to get ourselves into the shit. i haven't figured out the answer to that one yet. i guess the answer comes when your kid can actually make you proud or something. all i can say for now is thank god for people who like doing childcare.

maybe i just need a therapist

it's kind of scary and pathetic that my absolute limit for spending time with my 2 year old hovers around an hour and a half before i'm clawing at the door to get out of the house. not only is playing with her really boring to me, she gets punchy and starts acting up and i don't know what to do our how to handle it. with zero tolerance, i literally snap and the slightest thing. i have to start reminding myself to just try and lock myself in the bathroom or something when i start to feel my blood pressure rise.

a lot of this lack of patience and coping skills comes from not having much experience with kids. i never grew up with younger kids around nor did i ever babysit. even though i know about "normal two year old behavior" from what i've read in books or online, i don't know how to handle it. i've decided to look up a parent coach and have contacted them for some help. everything else in life comes with training or instructions or education.. why should parenting be any different? why must we blindly feel our way through the shit?

i'm bored.

my mom used to tell me that only stupid people said that they were bored. i'm no gomer pyle, but i am at a loss as to what to do with my free time. i kind of have this unrealistic fantasy that my shopping blog will take off and be wildly successful like pioneer woman's except that unlike pioneer woman, i don't really write about anything interesting or do i have much of a sense of humor. i'm just a bored housewife with 2 kids and free reign on my platinum amex.

i'm kind of having a minor life crisis. i want to be productive and do something, but i don't want to get a job. some things i could possibly do: come up with a cute product to make and sell on etsy. i could get involved in my daughter's school. i could get real serious with the blogging thing. i don't know... right now, i'm just sitting here, eating more than one serving's worth of ben and jerry's mint chocolate chunk ice cream. oh, i could probably join a gym and go work out or something. but i hate exercise. hm... need to brainstorm.

terrible twos

if i have to endure one more power struggle over clothes again, i might poke my eyes out. baby#1 is really torturing me with her picky-ness over what goes on her body. here i am buying all these super cute/stylish AND expensive outfits and she'd rather scratch the skin off her body than have me put these clothes on her. i've googled this problem and although it seems like a very common problem, i am beside myself over what to do. literally her whole day is ruined if i force her to wear what i want her to wear and as my prize i get to hear the lovely whining about "i don't want this dress" or "i don't want this shirt" hour after hour until she "accidentally" spills something on it meaning she gets to change out of it.
ugh. when will this phase pass?

first day of school

baby #1 is now almost 2 1/2 years old. she just started her first day of school today. she goes 3 days a week in the afternoons. we signed her up for summer camp at this school so that she'd already be acclimated by the time school started. she put up a tiny bit of a fuss when i dropped her off today, but i think that's because all along during summer camp, we told her no mommies and daddies allowed in the classroom, but then on monday when we went in to meet the teacher, we went into the classroom with her. she got confused about that... can't blame her.

meanwhile, baby #2 is 3 months old today. i only wished i felt the same way with #1 at this stage in the game. i remember being pretty miserable with a 3 month old and it only got worse. with #2, every little thing she does, i'm gaga over it. i can even see myself maybe having another one while husband can't fathom it right now. the biggest difference, i think, is the help. i feel pretty free to do whatever since we have someone to help out and i never really feel bogged down or trapped. i think that was my main problem with #1. there was no way out. i don't know why i waited so long to get help with #1. well, part of the problem is that #1 never took the bottle. how can you leave a baby who doesn't drink from a bottle? anyway... baby #2 will drink from anything. she's also much much bigger than baby #1 was at the same age. we just had #2 baptized this past weekend and i almost had to buy another christening dress because #1's barely fit #2.

anyway, just wanted put something out there. i also posted two new entries on my other blog. been buying a lot of stuff lately....

new blog

I'm still shocked at how many hits this blog gets considering I don't even post here anymore. If you still want to see what I buy, check out my shopping blog... http://majorshopper.blogspot.com/
It's still new, but I'm trying to stay on top of everything I buy. It's definitely harder to do than I thought, but at least I can kind of keep tabs on myself that way...

A new life

A lot has happened since my last post. But then again, it's been a very long time since I last posted. Shortly after my last post, I found out I was pregnant again. It was quite a shock. It took a while to accept that another baby will be on its way, but after a while, I was actually excited about it and glad that it happened the way it did - by surprise and not by choice. I thought about documenting my feelings about being pregnant again along the way, but I just never felt compelled enough to take the time to do it. Ever since securing a babysitter, I stopped feeling hopeless.

The babysitter began last October and came twice a week for 4 hours each. Boy were those 4 hours glorious. Then, in the Spring we moved. The babysitter came with us and actually lived with us for the summer. That was beyond amazing. Then, baby #2 came along and I fell in love. I guess this is the love that normal moms feel when they have a baby. I just never felt it with baby #1. I can't explain this mushy lovey dovey yummy feeling I have with baby #2. I think I'm just more able to love a baby since I'm already broken in with motherhood and all, but even to this day, all that emotional baggage with #1 just prevents me from having a real deep emotional bond with her. #1 is a total daddy's girl and daddy can have her because baby #2 is going to be a mommy's girl.

After the move, we had a bit of a bad spell with #1. First she slipped in the tub and cut her chin which required a trip to the ER for 5 stitches. Then two weeks later, she fell at the mall and broke her collar bone. Luckily, it was a minor fracture which healed up in about a month.

The babysitter's last day is Thursday and I'm only minorly freaking out. A new babysitter is starting on Tuesday and although she's only working 25 hours a week, it won't be so bad because baby #1 will be in school 3 afternoons a week.

Anyway, I was surprised to see how many people still check in on this blog. I'll try to keep it up, but I just started a new blog dedicated to shopping.

hello stranger

it's been quite some time since i last posted. haven't really had anything pressing to get off my chest. the last few weeks have been generally ho hum. i did finally get a babysitter. she started at the beginning of september and comes two afternoons a week. having her has truly changed my life. i don't know how i managed without her. actually, i barely survived without her.

anyway, i've always questioned the whole point of having kids. it's such hard work and not really that much fun either. but, now that baby is 18 months old and becoming more of a person each day, i'm slowly beginning to see the light and can kind of appreciate raising a child. for example, our neighbor's son who's baby's age was visiting the other night and is really afraid of dogs. every time our dog would get close to him, he'd fuss and jump in my lap. i'd tell our dog to shoo and go sit somewhere else. somehow, baby understood his fear and put her hand on the boy's shoulder and also patted his head. then she'd run over to the dog and pet her and was trying to show her friend that the dog was nice and there was nothing to be afraid of. then she'd come back over to her friend and give him a hug. i was pretty blown away by this behavior. she really showed compassion and and empathy. having never seen an example of such behavior, it is just a display of a pure heart. i guess that is one of the benefits of having kids. being able to experience a pure heart. an untarnished soul. sure, kids can be mischievous, but never malicious.

even this morning, while walking home through our neighborhood after breakfast, the pure joy and wonder on her face looking at every little thing along the way just makes you want to freeze time and somehow capture it in a box that you can save forever. it sounds so cheesy, but the pure innocence doesn't last forever. i guess it's a little wake up call for me to start savoring these moments.

i've taken a break from posting my purchases because my excessive spending is a little bit embarrassing. i've done some pretty heavy duty shopping since my last post. i'll bring you up to speed:

all from mulberry road by weekend a la mer:
this dress $68, turtleneck $34, top $48, and two pairs of leggings $24 each all coordinating



these shoes from lester harrys by naturino $54:


from dress boston $85


from anthropologie
top $58 skirt $88 and stripe skirt $98

from camper $140:

from Patagonia for baby $99:

from baby gap


from zara
dress $35 shirt $26

velour pants $13

corduroys $20

sweatpants $11

finally this coat for my sister in law's 30th birthday present from burberry $595:


that's about all i can recall for now...

omg

omg. my blood pressure was so high today i literally could see it and all i could do was just take deep breaths. i don't know why i got off on the wrong foot this morning, i just did. and baby was just her normal self, not particularly fussy or difficult. it got really bad when i misjudged her nap time. even though i knew it was my own fault for the situation i was in, i was still fuming. basically baby woke up a little later, so she wasn't tired when her usual nap time rolled around. i was so ready for her to go to sleep, but she absolutely refused. after trying to nurse her down for 30 minutes, i gave up and just decided to lay in bed and pretended to sleep while she figured out what she wanted to do. this lasted an hour. after her flopping around on the bed and crying for at least half the time, i decided to get up and get on with the day. boy did i have a terrible scowl on my face.

it's days like today when i really have to stop and ask myself, why do i get so mad? what is so important that i have to do that's making me feel like i'm going to bash my own head in when baby decides to change up the schedule? i guess looking forward to a little break and just zoning out, but so what if i don't get to stare into space every day at the same time? my sister in law is a pediatric oncologist that specializes in brain tumors. she deals with tragic cases on a daily basis. whenever i feel like i'm going postal, i just need to stop and thank God that my biggest worry is whether or not baby feels like napping. i don't know what i'd do if she was one of my sis in law's patients wondering how much more time they even have.

time flies

we were at the beach for the holiday and came back early to avoid the big storm. shortly after we got back home, the rest of the family decided to come over and stay on the mainland until the storm passed. it was really great having everyone around on our home turf and i don't know what got into me, but as i was watching baby walk down the street on the way to the playground like a big girl, i got all teary eyed and sad about how fast she's growing up. just over the past couple of weeks, she's changed so much. she's really coming out of her shell and just seems like before we know it, she'll be talking and going off to school. i don't know why it made me so sad. i think it was because it seemed like only a week ago, she just started walking and we were so thrilled about her walking down the street on her little wobbly legs. all this sentimentality over baby growing up makes me wonder if i'd be ok having another baby. i wonder if i'd be just as unhappy as i was the first time around or if i'd be better since i'd know what to expect. it definitely wouldn't be easier having a second because you still have the first to deal with, but i just don't know. as much as i've been dying for baby to finally stop being a baby, there's something so special about little babies. maybe i'm just temporarily insane right now. i can't believe what i'm saying. maybe i've finally fallen and can't get up.

just breathe...

after a really rough night of baby flip-flopping all over the bed and crying for an hour and a half from 3-5am, i was in a super cranky mood today. literally, the smallest thing set me off. just when i was feeling so desperate for a little relief, a weird thought came to my head. i have an 'allergy' to alcohol and get severely ill anytime i consume it. my thought was that God made me this way because otherwise, motherhood would turn me into an alcoholic. seriously, if it not were for the damn intolerance, i could totally see myself swigging a shot of something just to take the edge off. i used to smoke cigarettes to help with stress. the buzz is just right and is very relaxing. sadly, i don't smoke anymore and probably never will again. my sinuses just can't handle it. just before i quit, i got severely ill and it took 3 weeks for me to recover. i was absolutely miserable and if it not were for the stupid cigarettes, my sinuses wouldn't have gotten so infected. after that incident, i haven't really smoked again. just the thought of them kind of make me gag.

anyway, i haven't had a bad day like this in a while. maybe it's a little bit of withdrawal from my mom being here. i had it so good when she was here. i just need to hang in there for a few more days. my sister in law is coming up sometime next week and we're all heading to the beach next friday.

deep doo-doo

over the past two weeks, i've gotten into a whole mess of trouble. with all the shopping i've been doing online and at my favorite stores in town, i've really gone overboard.

it's no secret that i'm a serious control freak. that was my biggest downfall with my business. i couldn't let go of a ton of responsibilities that i should have, and as a result, i was an unhappy prisoner of my dream come true. anyway, after a week of my mom visiting, she said on the day she left that i shouldn't have any more kids. she said she felt sorry for baby because i'm more worried about her wardrobe than her wellbeing. surely, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but i do get a big thrill over finding cute clothes for her. i'm starting to make some connections about my frequent bad mood and my shopping habits. i think because i feel so out of control over baby's behavior, sleep habits and everything else that comes along with dealing with a toddler, i get the satisfaction of feeling in control over what she wears. i can't make baby eat if she doesn't feel like eating. i can't make her sleep if she's not tired. there's a million and one things i can't make her do, but i can make her wear a super cute outfit. i think this whole control thing dawned on me while watching an episode of hoarders. i'm definitely at risk for becoming one of those lunatics!! husband says my design sense is: find an empty corner in the house and fill it with shopping bags full of stuff. as i look around our apartment, he's right. i think of all the corners in the whole place, there's not a single corner that doesn't have something piled up into it.

anyway, to recap my latest purchases over the past couple weeks or so:

from lester harry's by lili gaufrette $75:

this i bought as a gift for a friend who posted it on their facebook page:

from lester harrys by anais & i $75:

also from lester harrys by bonpoint:

not exactly what i bought-this was the closest picture i could find

shirt $120, cashmere sweater $185

then from mulberry road, items 40%off purchased for next spring:

by egg by susan lazar:

then for me:

from lilly pulitzer $265

from calypso this shirt in navy $75:

motivation = zero

i haven't posted in a while. to recap the last couple weeks, we went to the museum of science, my good friend came to visit for a long weekend, we got luxurious spa treatments, my mom came for a visit, we went to the children's museum. pretty unexciting stuff. i'm even boring myself typing this entry. i promise i'll come up with something interesting soon...

falling into a new groove

day one of week three of husband going to work every day is over and although it took a little getting used to, i'm finding that being home alone with baby is actually more pleasant than having mr. fussalot around. baby and i have developed a nice routine and she naps for at least a couple hours in the middle of the day so i've been able to get a nice break and watch the tcm channel while she sleeps. the atmosphere at home is a little more relaxed and it feels less like there's too many cooks in the kitchen. i never realized how suffocated i was with husband around. sure, it was convenient when i wanted to take a quick shower, but he would get annoyed if/when baby got fussy and kind of blamed me for not playing with her enough or whatever he thought baby's problem was. also, because i have to entertain baby on my own, it forces me to get out more often. the only downside to that is sometimes that leads to unnecessary spending....but as husband says..."whatever keeps the lights on..."

online shop a thon

last night baby went to sleep relatively early so by 9 pm, i was pretty bored. usually i spend pretty much most of my time on the internet in the evenings. i'd love to be working on a craft project right now, but i still have to get my bookkeeping done from my business that closed over a year ago for tax purposes. the accountant and my husband's been getting on my back about it, but i'm so unmotivated to do it, so until i get that done, i really can't be working on anything else, according to husband's point of view. and he's right...

anyway, when in doubt, there's always online shopping. with all the purchases i made last night, i'm surprised the credit card company didn't call and say.... "um....we're just checking to see if someone stole your card and made all these crazy purchases..." actually, maybe i exaggerate a little, but i did find some good buys on clothes for baby for fall. some of my favorite clothing brands for baby right now are ikks, jean bourget and lili gaufrette. the french really know how to design clothes for kids. full price, much of what they have to offer is just a little out of reach for every day wear. but at 50% off, it seems more reasonable. one of my favorite web stores that carries most of the european brands is zandino.com.

from here i got this ikks dress $55:

this top by jean bourget $23:

this jumper by IKKS $27:

and this top by Jean Bourget $26:

then from flyingcolorsbaby.com this outfit by IKKS $49:

finally from monpetitchild.com this little jacket by jean bourget $29:

so, these were my purchases from last night. i just remembered that i ordered a cute winter hat from boden.com last week. i tried getting the picture, but it wouldn't copy over.

baby was looking through the little catalog of corolle dolls and on one page, it shows all the accessories you can buy for the doll. one particular picture caught her eye and she kept pointing to it and grunting. over and over... for a week. it was a picture of a toy stroller with the doll in it and a little girl pushing it. so, this past weekend, we went to the toy store and found that exact stroller and got it. when we brought it home and showed her, she literally couldn't wait for us to put it together... i only wish i bought it sooner because it really kept her occupied...for hours! she kept pushing that baby doll all over the house and she'd stop to feed the baby doll and fuss over it. it was really darn cute, but happily for me, it kept her busy.

the next item we need to get for her is a little table and chairs set. i think husband and i decided on the small table from pottery barn kids. now, i just have to decide on the color. definitely want the white table, but can't decide on the chair color.... secondly, where the heck to we put it once it gets here....

lazy bones

been too lazy to post, but at least i have something to write about. i spent the weekend in my old college stomping ground and it was so great being there. the town has really changed and although it's way more commercial that it used to be, it still has a great feel to it. i came armed with my credit cards and was ready to shop. my friend was an excellent enabler and brought me to a couple new spots in town. there was a super cute children's clothing store where i saw so much stuff i've never seen before. the store was geared toward 'earth friendly' brands, and not too many stores around where i live carry them. i picked up a bunch of cute tops and a dress for baby and my friend treated baby to a super cute top/skirt ensemble... i would post pics of the loot, but it was a bit of a challenge finding good pics online. there was another cute store that had an interesting selection of women's clothing, children's clothing and accessories. i recognized a lot of the women's clothes from anthropologie. looked like her inventory came from anthro's overstocks. i picked up a cute eyelet skirt and a simple shift dress for baby.

the best place we went was the fabric store. it was small, but very well stocked with beautiful designer fabrics. i went a little nuts and bought a ton of fat quarters to add to my ever growing collection. i hope to put all the fabric i have to good use some day, but for now, i just like stockpiling it.

baby was a pretty good backseat traveler this trip. it was only a three hour drive and we basically left around her nap times, so she slept for most of it. our dog came along as well and luckily there is a bunch of pet friendly hotels where we were visiting. one little wake up call from our visit was baby's inability to be taken out to a restaurant. we haven't taken her out to eat in a long time, so we weren't quite sure how she'd do, but if we had to grade her behavior, it'd be an F-. we've been trying to work on her table manners at home, but apparently we need to step it up a couple notches. i've been reading about how to get her to sit at a table online and the advice is all over the board. basically the general consensus is to try to serve all meals at a table and praise good behavior. just need to stick to the rules. husband and i aren't good at that, but we've to to try.

on another note, the babysitter is no longer available. she's gone back home "to figure stuff out". back to the drawing board!

spoke too soon

i've been feeling seriously on edge these past few days. somehow, nice pleasant baby turned into crazy fussy baby and is really driving me crazy. this week has been the first week that husband went to work every day. that is a sad statement because it's only been 3 days and already i'm about to throw in the towel. i don't know how people deal with being alone at home all day every day with their kids. i guess the key is to not be at home all day. getting out is important, but when it's too hot out, there's nowhere to go. strapping baby in a stroller and walking around the mall does not count as an activity and definitely doesn't do anything to expel baby's energy.

after spending a week with family and lots of built in stimulation, baby is definitely missing it and is bored to death. there's very little i can do to entertain her. she's bored of her toys and has taken her boredom out on the dog. luckily our dog is very patient, but we've got to be careful because there's only so much tail pulling a dog can handle. if only baby operated on a predictable schedule, planning out the day would be a little easier. lately, her naps have been all over the map and today she didn't nap at all. i needed a time out and literally locked myself in the bathroom with my computer for 15 minutes. as long as i could hear baby whining on the other side of the door, i figured she was safe.

next item on my to do list... email that babysitter!!

m.i.a.

sorry i haven't posted in a while. we spent a week at the beach and i haven't really been inspired to write about anything. i guess that means that i haven't been feeling very miserable lately. actually, for the first time, i'm kind of feeling like a mother. this big turn of events is due to baby becoming more of a person and less of a baby. this week, baby learned her body parts. that kind of blew my mind. she can definitely understand a lot of words, but for me to teach her stuff...i have to admit it's pretty cool. she's also very affectionate and it really melts my heart. i never thought the day would come when my stone cold heart (towards kids) would feel anything but disdain, but every time she comes over with a hug and kiss... all i can think of is "awwww".

i also haven't really bought a ton of stuff lately. i really wanted to buy stuff on the island, but there simply wasn't anything to buy. i bought baby another outfit at lilly pulitzer and a pair of flip flops for me. i did buy some stuff today - a doll for baby, an dress for baby, and a jacket for me. i'm really into outerwear right now. once fall comes, i'll be all set.